Who’s ready to geek out? Are you ready to geek out? If not, then you might want to move on because this is going to get really geeky, really fast. Guardian of the Realm makes reference to ancient scrolls, dimension portals, demons, demon hunters and of course, swords fueled with mystical powers. So charge up, eat your spinach, close your curtains, do what ever it is that you need to do to prepare because we’re blasting off in three, two, one!!! Shit, my cape is stuck. Hang on…

The film we’re talking about, Guardian of the Realm, is about a demon hunter by the name of Josh Griffin, (Glen Levy) who is given orders to meet up with a special advisor out of the New York office, another Demon Hunter. Enter the beautiful and sexy Alex Marlow, (Tanya Dempsey). On the other side of town, a gang of demons has stolen a mysterious artifact from a dumb, fat, local art dealer. No, they’re not going to the Antiques Road Show, they’re going to use the artifact to summon Virago, the Ancient Demon God back from the grave. No - it’s cool. She has a nice ass and a great set of cans. No, really, she does.



So I’m watching the movie and it’s going along as expected. It’s shot on digital video, the acting is the equivalent of a Xena episode, and the special effects are barely giving Star Trek a run for their money. Around twenty minutes in, I had the movie pegged for a two out of five, not a one because I was sure to set see a nice set of tits, even if they were alien (I’ll take what I can get). Well, in only fifteen short minutes, around the point where Tanya Dempsey enters the picture, it all began to change.



During the middle act of the film I realized that I was emotionally invested in this story. Yes, I cared about Josh, Alex, and Virago the Demon God. Oh - and the ancient scrolls, too. I think it’s because when the character of Alex came into the picture so did a shit load of exposition. Gold star to screenwriters Ted Smith and Wyatt Weed, because they answered every question I had up to that point. They had me. Those motherfuckers had me! I’m still not sure if it was because of a good script, Alex’s gorgeous stomach being exposed in every shot and me becoming numb to the sketchy acting, or maybe a combination of all of the above.



In all seriousness, Director Ted Smith does a nice job with this film. Yeah, its low budget and definitely a B movie, but its well thought out and looks great. You can tell that this film was someone’s baby (I’m guessing Ted) and they spent a lot of time writing the script, planning and executing the production, and finally, kicking ass in post production. With a running time of almost two hours the film even feels epic at times. I would bet my half-eaten box of Boo Berries that we’ll see more Guardians and Realms before we know it. Sweet!

Like I said, I found myself liking the film more and more as it progressed, but it’s really the final act that did it for me. The final showdown between good and evil was exactly what I hoped it would be… even more actually. It’s cheesy as hell, but it works. I don’t want to say much, but one of the characters transforms into the ultimate mutant and it was awesome. Grossly fake lightening fills the sky as the newly transformed Demon God roars at the moon. The whole sequence reminds me of the Power Rangers on steroids. It’s a smashing good time!

Overall, Guardian of the Realm has its problems, but I found the film to be a fun way to spend two hours. It’s something I would even watch a second time. If you enjoy TV shows like Xena, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, and StarGate, then you’re sure to enjoy this. Basically, if you’re a raging geek and play D&D on weekends then you’ll like this film. It’s cheesy science fiction at its best. If you don’t care for cheese with your horror then you best move on. Now if you will excuse me, I need to level up my Dark Elf character and maybe make a call to our Dungeon Master.


Guardian of the Realm on Myspace